Beyond That Old Cracked Door

Beyond That Old Cracked Door
August 3, 2015
by Petra Hefner

(a dream)

They promised relief
from a needle
just one
small injection

to bring numbness instead of pain

and a restful walk home
down memory lane…

past the burning bridge
and the swelling crick
by the old shack
with its bold crack
in the door
(the one I had closed)

bright sunlight spilling through it
igniting that cold hard bed
(the one I had sold)
with that hot accusation
his smile

so sweet

it slices
half-healed hearts
into bleeding
the simplest wishes
into old regrets
of having tried too hard
yet never enough

apologizing
for no reason
(yet every reason)

feeling odd again
oddly cold
and told
to stop feeling

neglected

words of reason
drowned by tight lips licking
its own damned injuries
smacking this thirsty tongue for wanting
warmth instead of wounds
this time

wet eyes falling
through a small grey cell
finding no-one sitting there
so smug and so stuck in his hell
unable to escape
his own deep wounds
and pains still touching
cold keys with stiff fingers
bent to be right
yet unbending
steel bars
reflecting that old fake smile

promising relief

from a needle
just one
small injection

to end all

numbness
and memories
of this  unvarnished dream

where his dark cell smells of fresh paint

but his boozy breath remains
steeped in harshness and regret
his cold stiff fingers still grabbing
for hot love-
making
his touch incapable of soothing
the bruises from that old cold bed
(the one I had sold)

there
beyond that old cracked door

lingers the error
the cupid’s arrow
still aimed
at this pile of life
oddly bent
on waking

this time

without a sequel…

sensing
that it had already died
completely
lonely
only

to begin again.

Petra O. Hefner

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The Poet

he
sees
not seeing
but touched
by vacant stares
dying
and birthing yet another child
begging to write about your pitch
cold days and lit up nights
’tis subtle apathy
that smiles
louder
than the screams
that no one hears except
his pen
which stabs again
and again the spleen
and starts the fight
that no one
feels

in and out
his pen does stab
to stop the bleeding
heart
hold fast
don’t freeze
love needs
you
to need
one who feels
and has felt
deeply
the hell that melts
the molten
stares
still dying
and birthing
yet another
child
.
.
.

Petra O. Hefner

“There is nothing harder than the softness of indifference.” Juan Montalvo

Scripture

Even This One

Wounded
even this one
like so many
tears
swelling
uncontrollably
adding ambush to defeat
clustering like grapes
whaling
spilling more loss
into an emptiness growing
replete with regret
recalling
how it once was
imagined.

Someone had lied
whispers in a garden
where truth was
traded
and doubting triumphed
suddenly
nakedness saw
and understood its need to hide
feeling the sun setting
the heart ablaze
with darkness
even
though it was
clinging to life lit
with each cold laugh
dripping
with its own dire need
to overcome
this dying.

Accused
even this one
like so many
lost
searching
desperately adding
qualm to questions
when she heard

The Word

Walking
Piercing
Asking

Who has told you that you were naked?
From dirt you were taken
And
To dirt you shall return
Naked
Unless you turn…

She spun
flung
at His feet
with so many questions
and all her accusers
vanished
gone
even
the biggest
boulder tumbled
turning her many scars
to sweetest perfume mixing
her flood of tears with His
love never ending
and complete.

Healed
even this one
like so many
streams
swelling
uncontrollably
adding gratitude to grace
clustering like golden
grapes
spilling more sweetness
into an emptiness growing
replete with hope
recalling
how it once was
foreshadowed.

Someone had prophesied
prayers in a garden
where fear was
traded
and love triumphed
suddenly
nakedness saw
and understood its need to hide
feeling the sun setting
her heart ablaze
with love
even
though she saw
it nailed to a cross
with each cold spike
dripping
with perfect life
to dethrone
this death.

Victorious
even this one
like so many
redeemed
swelling
uncontrollably
adding melody to music
clustering like grapes
rejoicing
spilling more gladness
into this victory sealed
replete with grace
revealing
how it once was
promised.

Petra O. Hefner

Scripture